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I had to be proud. I had to prove to these people that yes, I might have an old blanky, but I am still smarter and far wittier. ‘Oh my God! You STILL have one? Haha …and what about your thumb? Still sucking?’ my brother looked around the table as if speaking to each and every person there. ‘I’ll be damned, Kelly, a grown woman still sucking her thumb.’ My brother. The fuck-twit. It’s not that bad to have a habit of sucking one’s thumb. I have friends who didn’t stop until they were in their late teens. Occasionally I wake up to find my husband, also a childhood thumb-sucker, going to town on his 27-year-old thumb. My fever, which was now blazing onto my cheeks, spilling over onto the red vinyl tablecloth wasn’t about sucking my thumb. The true depravity was in my gaga. I have gone through several gagas [pronounced Gah-Gah, like MaMa, only with a hard G sound.] over the years. After the crimson fires swallowed my first gaga I simply made another one out of one of my mother’s shirts.. Mum has idolised Michael Paterson and to have him inher own living room will be a thrill. 'You have been busy.' 'It's my job,' she said. 'So you'll be with Michael, live, forforty minutes ' 'But what will I say do?''You'll be fine and I have suggested that Femme Fatale perform.For gods sake, don't sing 'I've Got You Under My Skin' Liz!' 'No,' I smiled wryly, 'not a good choice.' 'We'll put out a statement tomorrow confirming you were bornAllan Stratton and that you will be talking to Michael Patersonnext Friday night.' 'Fiona,' I said hesitantly, 'we're not making money out of this,are we ' 'Michael Paterson doesn't buy stories, Liz. I chose him becausehe's the most loved interviewer in the British Isles, even theQueen watches him! If you hit it off with him, all of Britainwill be on your side.' 'How will we know?' I said nervously. 'Michael always kisses the cheek of women he fancies at the endof the show. I don't want to put pressure on you but everyoneand I mean everyone will be.
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